~Monster-Sama

my parents think they're tough shit by taking away my laptop unless I need it for studying. Meaning, I wont be here, or anywhere, until either break or summer. Or if I'm lucky weekends. But frankly I chose subjects that will rape me. And then I've got subjects that I'll be taking with freshmen, because texas law demands that you do this and this and this, meaning I have to take shit like world geography and physical education. fuck me.
here's my schedule, as far as I know. funny as my first day of school is tomorrow (monday).

ap lang
calc AB
world geography (this is supposed to prepare me for AP world history, which I took last year and scored a 4/5 on my AP test. lmao)
German 1, cuz I'm fuckin tired of french and it was german or spanish. stupid texan educations system.
some computer class that will bore me
medical terminology (sounds like fun right?)

thats all I remember
I'm looking forward to a hell of a year
while I'm at it, eat some emo music:
[link]
and some more
[link]
enjoy.

I haven't got much to listen to, I bought some cd's recently, I bought rush of blood to the head by coldplay, a fear factory cd, HIM's greatest hits, and blood mountain by mastodon. that covers a pretty wide range of music. I'm also reading seed magazine and ordering free shit from [link].
yay for free shit.
oh yeah, the reason my parents are taking my computer is because I spent 19 hour stretches on it all summer. I basically lived on this laptop. [link]. That website was my home away from home for two months. you play games and chat with people.
well, i'll see everyone when I get internet next time.
hope its soon.

Blah: Detroit to Houston.

It all started wednesday, we spent all day fucking packing a massive movers truck. Everything must be either scrapped or thrown in the truck. Everything.

Thursday: More packing, bored, drank some energy drinks at the gym, got one from the dude there on the house since I was leaving and I was such a valued customer when it came to energy drinks . I swear I was their source of profit. Round 6 pm, my dad and I got in the truck and shoved the cat's litterbox in between the two seats and it's bed right on top. For whatever reason, my dad didnt feel comfortable just tossing the cat in its cage and leaving it in there for the trip. So there the cat was, and I gave it some pills and sedated it. We left, got to cincinatti, and went to sleep at some fruity motel.

Friday: Ate breakfast at walmart, then we went on driving. I had to sedate the cat again. Bored as hell. Slept at another fruity hotel in Little Rock, where everything is fucking named after former prez Bill Clinton. It was a hoot.

Saturday: Got here, spent next week unpacking.

Tuesday: Left laptop on carpeting and it burned out. I wept and threw hysterics lol, which is lame cuz who the hell gets emotional over a fucking machine (terminator 2 quote). We took the poor thing to the mechanics and they said they wouldn't repair it cuz it had no warranty. Fuck me. So my dad goes, pick a laptop under $600, any one, and thats the one you get for your birthday. Fuck me again. I'm just like "right fuckin now?" and he was like ya. So I got this machine that I'm writing on now, an IBM/Lenovo machine. Its a fucking beast, and I wont bore you with specs, but damn...
I'm gonna bury my old laptop in the yard.

Three days ago: Started watching Gundam Wing, and the shits addicting. Haven't gotten more than 2 hours a night since I started watching it. Its just, wake up, watch gundam wing, eat, watch gundam wing, eat again, watch GW, pretend to go to bed, watch more gundam wing, go to be for 1-2 hours, wake up and repeat. Damn. Also, I'm watchin this shit called Batman Beyond, and really I'm not into all that superhero shit, but this shit is badass. I know some god will smite me for saying this, but it's like Cowboy Bebop mix Death note storywise, the dude walks around and solves this array of the most complicated and crazy mysteries ever while avoiding getting murdered. And the shit is actually violent. Hah, its like Gantz, but not as violent

Right now: Making shit on Photoshop while listening to the Gundam Wing Opening themesong on repeat. It's been 4 hours, and I'm still listening to the same song, meaning that after today, I will never again be able to listen to the song, cuz it will make me puke and have visions and flashes and shit, and I've done this to a a lot of songs like Land of Confusion by disturbed and King Nothing by Metallica and that one song of Muse's which I listened to when I was a zombie. The zombie effect will wear off after about a week or sooner, depending on how soon I find a gym down here that supplies the drinks I need. Right now I'm just pumping Redline (don't look it up, I'll tell you. If you are a normal person with a small caffeine tolerance, the stuff is suicide in a can. It's a bit weaker than spike, but thats fun to have too from time to time.). Before I left, I spent my remaining $30 on redline, so I've got a few more cans. I also bought some concentrate stuff that you mix yourself.

So yeah. I know some of you are still here. Thanks for being here, I have regressed back to this site because this is where it all fucking started, and I'd be a dead man had it not been for my friends on this site pulling me out of my depression then mania and my troubles at home and therapist sessions that keep determining that I'm fucked up but don't tell me what I can do to fix myself so people don't think that I have mental issues when I go into mania. I love you all.

yeah, here I am high on another wonderful (cough) product from the gym, though this time I took it before I worked out and damn...
I puked, I had to drink water every damn five minutes, but it felt fucking amazing. best of all, before taking the stuff, I had a cup of coffee, and yeah.

so heres a breakdown of what I felt:

first 15 minutes: Im on top of the world. I had so much fucking energy I could have lifted a ton and I got on the treadmill and wasted 100 calories in ten minutes. thats fucking insane. Then

30 minutes in: I was breathing like crazy, I thought I was gonna die, but I drank a shitload of water and felt better. I didn't get on the treadmill anymore cuz I didn't want my heart rate to go up anymore (it was fucking 189bpm, normal heartrate is 72 folks...yeah....) I thought I'd have a heartattack

45 minutes in: caffeine effect partially subsided...I felt nearly zero muscle fatigue while lifting and lifted like twice what I do normally (I know this will bite me in the ass tomorrow when I wake up and wont be able to move) Heart rate went down, so I treadmilled some more. Puked.

60 minutes in: lifted more weights, felt like I was gonna throw up/die/have a heart attack/but still felt great.

75 minutes in: got home, mom left and told me to heat up some soup and eat. lol I had zero hand I coordination I tried to eat the soup and missed my mouth and spilled soup on my self because my hand was shaking haha.

will I do it again? hell ya. this wasn't like that energy drink shit that nearly killed me last time...that stuff was fucking insane.


anyways, enough of that.
I found a new fucking favorite band: shadows fall!
the song "the light that blinds" fucking rocks!!!!!! I went and wasted my last paycheck and bought all their albums at bestbuy. now Im seriously broke. not even joking

don't do drugs kids!!

yeah I started writing this journal back in august and I just found it, so Im posting it now. some stuff is outdated, such as the stuff about me not driving yet, but basically, its the same. duuuuuuuuuuuuuude...

I have this quiz that I shtole from so I might as well do it lol

ARE YOU:
1. Obsessed with sex?: what the hell no...why is that always the first fucking question
2. Tall?: like 5 and a half feet I think.. maybe more. havent checked since I was like 14
3. In your pajamas?: nope
4. Left handed?: Im doing my best to become left handed. all the survival guides say that its key

to disapearing if you wanna have a life after going through 25+ years of prison

LAST:
1. Friend you saw: cant recall
2. Person you talked to on the phone: yo mamma..I told her thanks lols
3. Person to IM you: ah, i don't remember
4. Was today better than yesterday: nope yeasterday was my b-day and I got these sweet vans

shoes..so Im cool

FAVORITE:
1. Number: *69
2. Season: winter (no retarded weather. always cold in general)

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:
Q: What was the first thing you did this morning when you got up?:
A: went to work at 8, then went to this retarded car parade thing that my dad dragged us to


Q: Do you have anything bothering you?:
A: yes...that Im finally out of blank cds (the horror!!!!!) so I gotta go buy more now.

Q: What's the last movie you watched in theaters?
A: geez...think it was persepolis (look it up on wiki)

Q: Do you smile often?:
A: not usually, but because mcd policy dictates that if you dont smile, you get fired, I havent

really got a choice

Q: Do you wish upon stars?:
A: \yeah that I could trip and die

Q: Where did you sleep last night?:
A: at yo mammas room

Q: Why did you sleep there?:
A: lol

Q: When was the last time you cried?:
A: this afternoon

Q: What are you about to do?:
A: hope to finish this goddamn journal

Q: What do you hear right now?:
A: the chinese movie "HERO" going on upstairs

Q: What's your favorite month?:
A: December

Q: How many kids do you want/have?:
A: more sex orientated questions...damn no Im not answering

TEN EMOTIONS
1. Are you missing someone right now?: my buddieroos (good 'ol holden caulfield)
2. Are you sad?: yup
3. Anything making you mad?: yup
4. Are you bored?: yes
5. Are you German?: nope
6. Are you Irish?: no...
7. Are you Mexican?: no, but I might become it soon cuz I spend so much time at mcdonalds
8. Are you Italian?: nope
9. Are your parents still married?: amazingly yes
10. Are you happy?: shit no...I didnt get a goddamn car for my sweet 16 yesterday

TEN FACTS
1. Hometown: FH
2. Natural hair color: brown, but since shaving my head, its more of a black brown mix
3. Height: already answerd
4 Eye color: green
7. Lefty/righty: both as of now
8. Favorite color[s]: the color of chicken puke
9. Date of birth: aug 17
10. Most important thing in the world: my peeps

FINISH...
I HATE: you
I MISS: shit
I HEAR: swords
I REGRET: last night with yo mamma
I LIKE: noone
I SING: rarely
I SHOULD: kick your ass

WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK OF...
RYAN: gay
CHRIS: gay
JOHN: gay
SCOTT: gay
ZACK: all these fucking generic names all sound gay. you gotta have a name like mine. now thats

sweet

IN THE LAST FEW DAYS, HAVE YOU...
GOT HIGH?: heh unfortunately (jkjk dont report me)
GOT DRUNK?: nope
KISSED?: noes
HELPED SOMEONE?: the bunch o kids I subscribed
GOTTEN ILL?: yep depressed a lot
GONE TO THE CINEMA?: have to soon with my sister. shit
GONE OUT FOR DINNER?: for my bday we went to this thai place that Im sure burnt a hole in my tongue

(the food..not the restaurant retard)
SAID "I LOVE YOU"?: to whom?
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER?: does this count?
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: fucking yes right here
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENT?: oh hell yeah...what is this bullshit about me not getting a car

WOULD YOU EVER...
EAT AN INSECT?: yep..I had them at this expensive chinese place..they rock
BUNGEE JUMP?: Yes
HANG GLIDE?: ohhhh YES!!!
KILL SOMEONE?: Im not that bad anymore
GO OUT TO EAT WITH A COMPLETE STRANGER?: unless they are like off the street. then I would just

hand them the money and tell them to go enjoy themselves
GO OUT WITH SOMEONE FOR THEIR REPUTATION?: thank god Im not "cool" enough to have to be set in that

sort of situation
BE A VEGETARIAN?: sure
PURPOSELY HURT SOMEONE?: once..and I still regret it...wait what am I sayin...
RUN A RED LIGHT?: havent gotten a chance to yet
DYE YOUR HAIR BLUE?: Yessir
MAKE SOMEONE CRY?: you so ugly, you can make blind children cry!

THE LAST PERSON WHO...
YOU SAW CRY?: my cat
WENT TO THE MOVIES WITH?: my cuz in france
WENT TO DINNER/LUNCH WITH?: family
THAT CALLED YOU ON THE PHONE?: no one
THAT YOU CALLED ON THE PHONE: no one
TEXT YOU: Im not that special
MADE YOU LAUGH: I havent laughed in a while lol (ah the irony eh?)
DO YOU PREFER
FLOWERS OR CANDY?: I like both a lot
GRAY OR BLACK?: Black
COLOR OR BLACK & WHITE?: Black
SUNRISE OR SUNSET?: Sunset
STAYING UP LATE OR WAKING UP EARLY?: STAYING UP LATE

Have you ever...?

1. Ate Crocodile?: yah..tasted like chicken

2. Slept in a different bed?: Yes lol refer above

3. Made out in a movie theatre?: nope

4. Made out with 2 different people in one night?: lolz still no

5. Thought your cousin was hot?: funny question...lol geez do I really want to anwser this??

6. Been in love?: Yes

7. Slept?: omitted

8. Taken a shower with the opposite sex?: nopes

9. Gone over the speed limit?: nope

10. Painted your room? nope just postered it

11. Drove a car?: yep

12. Danced in front of your mirror?: ho yes

13. Gotten a hickey?: what the fuck?

14. Been dumped?: nope
15. Stole money from a friend?: Yeah but i'd treat the back over lunch..

16. Gotten in a car with people you just met?: Yeah.

17. Been in a fist fight?: shit yes all the time

18. Snuck out of your house?: Yes

1.) If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:
yo mamma

2.) I have an irrational fear of: clowns

3.) What type of food do you eat at your grandparents house?
chicken nuggets and shit like that cuz they got old and cant cook the way they once did lol

4.) What weight were you when you were born?
who the fuck knows

5.) What would you do if you were stranded on an island with the person you hate most?
see this rock? *chucks*

6.) What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
once again, I doubt Ill ever get that pleasure

7.) Do you stalk anyone on myspace?
no..myspace is for whores...facebook all the way (not really..I dont care for any of that sand)

8.) I find the thought of childbirth:
whoever wrote this was a messed up dipshit.

9.) Next door to my house is:
a magical thing called a neighbor

10.) My feet are: size 10.5

11.) My preferred style of jeans are: baggy, or ultratight, like the stuff my emo brothus wear

13.) Know how to cook? yep, and I have to all the time cuz my parents want to pass on their "legacy

as coming from families of amazing cooks" onto me, which means countless hours of cooking lessons

during time that I could spend on anything else

14.) I am annoyed with: this journal for being so damn long

15.) What child-related smell do you not like? goat shit

17.) What sea creature scares you?
I dont know any sea creatures that well, you knwo

18.) What color hair do most of the people you are around have?
I dont pay fucking attention godamit

19.) What object have you broken most recently?
my mirror

20.) Name one of the Spice Girls.
all I know about them is that they had this amazing song where they sang that if you wanted to fuck

one of them you gotta fuck all their friends first (which is weird..cuz its ironic..who the hell

isnt going to agree to that) (the lyric went "if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my

friends. lol)

21.) What was the last thing to make you cry?
depression, maybe FMA, elfen lied at times

22.) What are the stems on wine glasses for:
easyknives

23.) My favorite shoes are:
vansors and 4 stripe adidas

24.)Can you use chopsticks?
Yes

25.) Do you prefer beaches or forests?
Forests

26.) What serial killer do you find most disturbing?
KIRA LIGHT!!! (watch the damn deathnote series)...wait,..he wasnt disturbing at all..after having

seen gantz that is

27.) Who knows a secret or two about you?
myself

28.) Have you ever burned yourself?
as in diss? yess....lol..but as in masochism,, no that would be weird

29.) Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
lot of people

30.) Who is your hero[es]?
your mom

39.) Where is your sister right now?
asleep

40.) Do you believe in things that last forever?
as in relationships? hell no

41.) What are you listening to?
people, deathmetal, black metal,industrial metal, rapcore, symphonic black metal

42.) What do you smell like?
detergent

43.) Are you married?
No

44.) Does anyone regularly tell you they love you?
no..not in a while

45.) What's the most confusing to you?
people and myself

46.) Do you have any bad habits?
a lot and i can't start telling you all of it...

47.) Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
yeah

48.) What is one thing you've learned about life?
we are in hell right now...everyone that messes up gets 70-100 years here. I must have done

somethin bad, but not as bad as you to get here. just can't wait for my years to be up, though some

people kill themselves and get out early...sounds like a plan ;D

49.) Whats your favorite color?
done that already look up..

50.) Have you ever been stuck in an elevator?
yes

51.) What does your dad call you?
my nick name? but some times he just says:ah... your here!

52.) Has anyone told you that they like you more than a friend?
Yes, and it wasn't a good thing

53.) What are you looking forward to?
gong home..mastering guitar

54.) How are you today?
sick...